52 posts from 2006

Wine Store:  caters to adults, sells liquids in breakable containers, has wines ranging from $3 to $700 per bottle.  End caps are filled with shelf after shelf of breakable objects.  Aisle ends feature wings made of stacks of breakable objects.

In this environment, who in their right mind would let their child skate around on these?

Look, lady, I'm sorry you disagree with our corporate policy.  But I asked your little fuck-trophy 3 times, nicely, not to skate in the store.  You didn't know about the first 2 requests because you weren't supervising him.  So don't get all pissy with me, hide your cart full of shit, and storm out whilst bitching loudly about being chastised for skating "when he wasn't even doing anything".  It's your fault you didn't insist on a condom 9 years ago, it's your fault you haven't bothered to raise your little fuck-trophy properly, and it's your fault you have to leave my fucking store.  Buh-bye!

Henry did the trick.  I watched the St. Crispin's Day speech twice.  I can strip my sleeve and show my scars and say, "These wounds I had on Crispin's day."

Once more unto the breach, dear friends, once more.

That settles it.  I'm going to stagger home tonight and curl up on the couch to watch Henry V whilst drinking French wine.

Once more unto the breach, dear friends, once more.

There is a delivery team that visits our store on a regular basis.  These guys are best described as the dynamic duo of Hill and Billy.  "Billy," affectionately known as Scar Scott (as distinguished from Tattoo Scott) saw my beleaguered distress today and passed on some pearls of wisdom from his granny:  "If you can't get out of it, get into it."  At first, I dismissed it.  But as the day wore on and on and on, I decided to adopt it.  As I felt myself fading, I would remind myself that I could be miserable, or I could just get into it.  My smile became less fake, my energy became more real, and I survived.

So bless you, Scar Scott's granny (and rest your recently departed soul), for making my day a bit brighter.  I especially enjoyed your other pithy saying:  "If you can't fix it, fuck it!"

Clearly, it's my fault that traffic sucks.  You should definitely take that out on me.

Clearly, it's my fault that we're out of the wine you wanted.  You should definitely vent that one on me.

And definitely, absolutely, positively, absotively, posilutely, it's clearly my fault that you waited until the last minute to start your holiday shopping.  You should most definitely be a total ass to me for that one.

Happy Fucking Holidays!

I worked almost 70 hours last week.  I'll work about 80 hours this week.  I'd fall asleep standing up if my feet didn't hurt so much.  My exhaustion level has caused me to do some dumb-ass stuff this week, resulting in a multicoloured swollen lump on my arm, burns on my fingertips, and an unexplained forehead injury.  There are only a few clean plates, no clean forks, and no clean decent wine glasses in the house.  I am eating reheated frozen breakfast sausages with my burnt fingers while drinking screw-cap riesling from a crappy wine festival glass.  It is now 8:45 p.m.  I will most likely be asleep within the next hour or so, which is a good thing, since I start my next 14 hour shift in 9 hours.

And to the customer who wondered why we weren't all as happy as frolicking elves this evening:  take your Christmas spirit and shove it up your ass.  G'night, kidzzzzz.

It's a shirt, it's a horse!

I Blingoed myself and found that there's a tee shirt for "pinot princess" and a horse named after me.  Shares in the horse are still available for your last minute holiday shopping.

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Submitted by Anthony.

Credit to Deborah for my love of pre-Raphaelite art.

I've been tagged by Chaz and Deborah, all in the same day.  Two different sets of rules, but I'm gonna go with Chaz on this one.  His rules are easier.  Five things about me:
1.  I prefer Old World chardonnays to New World ones.  Gimme a "tree in a glass" and I'll pour that overly oaked shit right down the drain.
2.  I don't believe in saving bubbly for a special occasion.  I believe every day should be a special occasion.
3.  I firmly believe that Belgian trappist ales are the product of divine inspiration.
4.  I can recommend "a good White Zinfandel" with a straight face.
5.  I grew up near Liz.

Now I'm gonna go tag some people, after I refill my glass.